Wrestling with Control: How Surrender Can Transform Your Mental Health and Faith

A Gentle Invitation to Release Control and Find Peace

Control feels safe — and most of us crave it.

We plan our days, meals, budgets, and even our future because predictability signals to our brain, “You’re safe.” There’s nothing wrong with wanting safety — it’s part of being human. But here’s the thing: the very thing that makes us feel safe can also keep us stuck.

When we hold on too tightly to control, we can stay in jobs, relationships, and seasons we’ve outgrown. We can get stuck in cycles of anxiety, depression, and burnout.

In this post, we’ll explore what it really means to wrestle with control, what Scripture has to say about surrender, how my own faith journey has shaped my view of letting go, and how releasing control can transform both your mental health and your walk with God.

Wrestling With God: Lessons from Jacob

Genesis 32 tells the story of Jacob wrestling with God through the night. Jacob wanted things to go his way — he refused to let go until he received the blessing he was after.

Jacob walked away with a blessing — but also with a limp.

This story reminds me that we cannot win against God’s will. The more we resist, the longer the journey can take. It’s not that God is punishing us, but when we cling to control, we can end up taking the long way around — repeating the same lessons until we finally surrender.

Key Takeaway: Surrender doesn’t just bring peace — it clears the path. The sooner we let go, the sooner we can step into the blessings, opportunities, and healing that were waiting for us all along.

My Personal Story: Wrestling With Control

For years, control was my safe space. Working in community mental health gave me predictability — a steady paycheck, set hours, and a clear routine.

But over time, that predictability started to feel suffocating. I wanted to specialize, to work more deeply with women, to create a practice that reflected my heart and creativity. But instead of trusting God and stepping out, I doubled down on control.

I applied for job after job — especially utilization management positions — trying to force my next step. All I got were rejection emails.

Looking back, I see that I was wrestling with God. Fear showed up as overthinking, hustling harder, and saying yes to things I didn’t have capacity for — because doing something felt safer than waiting. Sometimes, those decisions came back to bite me, leaving me even more exhausted and anxious.

The Turning Point: Starting My Private Practice

Eventually, I hit a wall. I was burned out, struggling to show up for my clients, and feeling completely depleted.

Starting my private practice was terrifying. It meant letting go of the safety net, facing the unknown, and trusting that God would meet me there. But every door I tried to force stayed closed, so this time, I stopped fighting and took the leap.

And the moment I did, doors started opening:

My caseload filled quickly
Client retention stayed strong
I experienced growth I could never have orchestrated on my own

It wasn’t perfect. I still had moments where fear whispered that I should grab control back. But each time, I remembered that first leap — and how much peace came when I finally surrendered.

Control and Anxiety: How They Feed Each Other

Here’s what I’ve learned personally and professionally: control and anxiety go hand-in-hand.

When we try to control things we were never meant to control, anxiety grows. We:

Overthink
Micromanage
Lose sleep
Stay stuck in survival mode

There’s a difference between healthy planning and gripping so tightly that we leave no room for God to move. Sometimes, God allows discomfort to grow until we finally stop resisting and take the step He’s been nudging us toward.

Therapist Insight: Many of my clients struggle with this too. Control feels protective, but often it just prolongs the very pain we’re trying to avoid.

Encouragement for Women Who Struggle with Control

If you feel like you’re wrestling with God right now, you are not alone. Take a few moments to reflect:

What are you gripping so tightly that God might be asking you to release?
Where are you exhausting yourself trying to make something work that may no longer be meant for you?
What would it look like to loosen your grip and trust His timing?

Pro Tip: Surrender doesn’t mean passivity — it means partnering with God, holding your plans loosely, and letting Him guide the outcome.

Gentle Steps Toward Surrender

Letting go doesn’t happen overnight — it’s a daily practice. Here are a few small steps you can take:

Start with prayer: Invite God into the places you’re afraid to release.
Write it down: Journal your fears and what you feel you might lose if you let go.
Take one small act of faith: Whether it’s pausing before sending that email, or saying no to one thing that drains you.
Notice your nervous system: Surrender is easier when your body feels safe. Pair this spiritual work with grounding practices that calm anxiety.

Closing Thoughts

Just like Jacob, we may walk away from our wrestle changed — but we also walk away blessed.

If you’re feeling weary from fighting to control everything, let this be your gentle nudge: you don’t have to keep wrestling. There is peace waiting for you on the other side of surrender.

And if you need a safe space to process, calm your nervous system, and work through the patterns that keep you in survival mode, that’s exactly what I offer at Restorative Oasis Counseling & Wellness. Together, we’ll slow down, untangle what’s been keeping you stuck, and help you create a life that feels grounded, free, and aligned.

💻 Schedule a consultation or join the waitlist for Empowerment Through Connection if you want to explore this work in a supportive group setting.